All landlords are empaths and other stories
Union organising, Jim Bob, the Ace Doctor Who Podcast, and the last sketch show of the year
Tenants Breathing Inside Too Much
There is a beast that resides within me, ever-desperate to burst out.
This is Local Politics James, the guy who knows about the latest planning decisions, and has unkind opinions about Toby Briefcase, the fresh-faced new Labour councillor.
He writes furious letters in green ink to the local newspaper, when the local newspaper still exists.
As the persona of LPJ might imply, local politics is an arcane and incestuous world, dominated by cranks, obsessives, and briefcase weirdos.
There are always good eggs, fighting the good fight and holding elected officials to account.
But there’s a reason why the people making the decisions and turning up to the meetings are retired homeowners; they’re the only ones with the time and the money to care.
I’ve been involved in organising and protest over the years, but I’ve never got as involved in as many local community groups as I’d have liked.
My excuse: I haven’t been settled enough, as a peripatetic renter and housesitter who seems to be moving on every six months.
I’ve come to realise this is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that I have become the geographic equivalent of a soothsayer throwing seagulls backwards.
Who knows how long I’ll be able to afford to stay in Brighton, but while I’m here I should try and help out the people doing good.
With this will, I’ve finally got involved with Acorn, the renter’s union I’ve been a member of for the past few years.
Due to an administrative boo-boo the organisers thought I still lived in Bristol, like it was 2021 or something.
Having seen their banner on a pro-Peace march, I referenced them in an instagram post. The day after they contacted me, asking if I wanted to join or be involved.
I did.
Since then it’s been busy. I turned up to a meeting and I was impressed at how focused it was.
Here are the things we want to do, here are our actions, who’s free to make them happen? Hands up, tick, sorted, let’s go to the pub for a social.
Here I heard some incredible stories about slum landlords, including the one who blamed mould on a tenant “breathing inside too much”.
And another who explained that actually “all landlords are empaths”, which is why they’re so good at anticipating their tenants’ needs.
One of the union’s current campaigns is landlord licensing. The council are running a consultation on introducing such a scheme1, and they haven’t been especially proactive in letting tenants know about it.
On a rainy Saturday morning I went to a public meeting, where the consultants charged with “stakeholder engagement and consultation” were presenting alongside two council officers.
The audience: a few Labour councillors2, a landlord, representatives of two local housing groups, and four Acorn members.
This meeting had not been well advertised, though I was assured details had been on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard”.3
I asked a couple of questions of the council officers. The first was, “What percentage of landlords in the city versus tenants in the city have you contacted about the scheme?
“Because the impression is you’ve been working a lot harder to let landlords know about it than anyone else”.
The second was fun. They had been talking about working with “reputable landlord organisations”.
I asked, “what data do you have that indicates that landlords who are members of these organisations are more reputable than landlords who are not?”
The council offer said well, they’re the groups that the government works with.
“If anything, that makes them sound less reputable.”
Local Politics James had been unleashed.4
Jim Bob The Unstoppable Pop Machine
Jim Bob, Chalk, Brighton, 19/11/20235
Jim Bob, former Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine frontman and professional rabble rouser, is on stage in sunglasses and a particularly sparkly jacket.
This is a rearranged gig from the summer, postponed when the hotel next to the venue burned down just before showtime.
The singer addresses the walrus in the room.
“We were gonna come on to We Didn’t Start The Fire.
“We didn’t, but it’s important that you know we thought about it.”
If you don’t remember Carter USM, here’s a primer: anarchic pop duo, drum machines, and a back catalogue stuffed with memorable references, dodgy landlords, and some really dated haircuts.
If that doesn’t ring any bells, it doesn’t matter, because Jim Bob is currently writing some of the best songs of his life.
While some are here for the USM classics, and are easily distracted by messages from the babysitter, Jim Bob and his Tighter-than-a-Scotsman-in-Leggings band are themselves on fire, for the new stuff especially.
They open with Thanks for Reaching Out, title track of this year’s excellent album. “This is my Long and Winding Road, my God only Knows, my Up The Junction, typed up on a bus and sent from my iPhone,” he claims in the song’s epic talky section.
The chorus is so catchy, so filled with hope, optimism and despair all at the same time, that he’s probably right.
Jim Bob is in terrific form between tunes, whether accidentally implying everyone in Brighton engages in incest, or claiming that Nigel Farage has just died from a snake bite live on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here.
Snakebite of a different kind is powering the crowd, who wake up for Carter classic Do Ray Me so Far so Good, a song that manages the trick of sounding both palatial and bedsit, epic and intimate all at once.
“In spite of what you’ve been told about Elvis, the good die old and helpless,” hundreds of bald middle aged men sing along as one.
As with a lot of youth classics, these invincible tunes sound more poignant every passing year.
This the Grebo My Generation; on the USM website, you can buy t-shirts celebrating the album “30-something”, but amended to 40-something, 50-something, 60-something….
Even more moving is the encore. Latest single, “This is End Times,” is performed with voice and keys only, Jim Bob accompanied by semi-retired pop star and former Star columnist Chris T-T.
“This is a song about the Taliban,” explains Jim Bob, before shutting us all up with a beautifully economic lyric about fascism, authoritarian clampdowns, and weak men scared of what they don’t understand.
“I never thought I’d miss so much, before so much was taken away,” he sings.
This song is about Afghanistan, but I always heard it as being about Britain in a few years time. Judging by the rapt silence, I wasn’t the only one.
Things finish up via a punk roadie blowing bubbles and a triumphant singalong to The Impossible Dream.
As the house lights come up, there’s a cheer as We Didn’t Start The Fire finally blares out to send us home.
Jim Bob blew us away: what else do I have to say?
The return of [the Ace] Doctor Who [podcast]
Happy Whonniversary to all who celebrate. Myself and Paul, ably assisted by Kamal, are bringing the Ace Doctor Who podcast back.
We’re recording on Sunday and shall endeavour to get it out asap!
If you want to hear any of our past episodes, head over here and listen to your ears’ content.
Next Level Sketch with Lorna Rose Treen, Lachlan Werner and Charlie Vero-Martin
COME TO OUR SHOW!!!! It’s a week today. So many good guest acts, so many funny sketches, and me possibly dressed up as someone unexpected. Tickets can be bought here.
That’s it for this week! See you all next time.
J xxx
Anyone can fill in the consultation, even if they don’t live in Brighton.
One of whom set up Brighton Acorn, one of whom was themselves a landlord, but who supported the consultation, and one of whom looked about twelve
With apologies to the estate of Douglas Adams
A fun footnote here is one of the council officers I asked these questions of came up to me outside the Jim Bob gig the following night to say hi, no hard feelings. I jokingly apologised for my “sassy questions”; his wife said he liked my jacket. Other things to note about the meeting: I told one of the councillors I was working for the “evil cycling lobby” and showed her my t-shirt, and got a lot of useful info and goss about which questions to ask next time. I should also say that after the meeting we went and did outreach at the Open Market, and I found talking to members of the public asking them to get involved MUCH HARDER than asking awkward questions in a meeting. The person I was with was much better at it. Each according to their ability and all that…
Note: this review will be in the Morning Star newspaper (at some stage)